Tag Archives: yoga

IN MY HEAD

11 Apr

EinsteinToday I had the opportunity to attend an event at work called Engaging Both Sides of the Brain. Throughout the two hour seminar, my coworkers and I were presented with ways to utilize both the right and the left – a strategy intended to enhance leadership skills. First, we were given a handout listing the characteristics of each…

Left Side Brain: Logical, Analytical, Scientific, Mathematical, Detail Oriented, Practical, Linear

Right Side Brain: Creative, Imaginative, Present, Big Picture Oriented, Empathetic, Intuitive

Between sips of a mediocre Keurig brew, I jotted down notes like…

“Mirror neurons help us feel,” and “Did Einstein enjoy comedy?” 

As the slide show went on and my coffee grew colder, I began to self-diagnose… Could the unfun core of my being be attributed to a right side brain that completely resents the strengths of the left? Probably not – Right Side Brain seems like an ultra-hip indie film character that looks great in scarves and doesn’t pass judgment. If we’re going to point fingers, I’d say good old Lefty is a real bitch. Supporting anecdote? Here goes…

Last night I gave yoga a second chance. I breathed, I stretched, I Namaste’d…Heck, I even enjoyed the fifteen minute guided meditation. The dusty gym floor turned to sand beneath my body; the smell of industrial strength Lysol more refreshing with each ocean wave. This was a safe place – one where a fresh pedicure was not a prerequisite for removing your socks. Right Side Brain thanked me… Captain of the Anti-Meditation Squad made me oversleep by an hour and a half this morning. Screw you, Lefty; I still made it to work on time.

Unfun Fact: Punctuality is appreciated, but not as much as quick Listerine rinse.

UNFUN WEEKLY ROUNDUP [SOMETIME LAST WEEK]

8 Apr

I know I typically post the Unfun Weekly Roundup on Friday, but hey – there are no rules. (At least that’s what I would say had I been cast as a free-spirit.) Honestly though, some of this news was just too shitty to let slip by…FIVEGoing for Gold: Word on the street is – Ryan Lochte wants Kim Kardashian’s life. Who needs 11 Olympic medals, when you could be an exotic fur-wearing globetrotter, spending your afternoons promoting milkshakes and sunless tanner? Lochte, who will be starring in an upcoming reality TV show on E! explained, “Kim started from pretty much nothing, and now everyone everywhere knows who she is. That’s what I want to do.” A good first step is adding Ray J to your LinkedIn network.

FOURGosling for Life: Ryan Cabrera got a new tattoo – a portrait of Ryan Gosling’s face on his calf. Let me take a minute to refresh your memory…Ryan Cabrera was that guy with the hair who sang “On the Way Down” and dated Ashlee Simpson. Apparently he was taking part in the ol’ pastime dubbed tattoo roulette. It’s when you choose the design for your friend’s tattoo and then blindfold them until it’s finished. This is slightly dumber than it is unfun, but hey, he can always cover it up with a handsome tribal band.

THREEMy Kind of Thief: A 34 year-old Illinois man was arrested by New Jersey police with 21 tons of stolen Muenster…that’s like 3 adult male elephants if you need a point of reference when it comes to weight. The man obtained the cheese when he provided false paperwork to K&K Cheese in Wisconsin. With a refrigerated truck and $200,000 worth of product, he set off with the dream of selling it at a discounted price to the black market along the east coast. Ultimately the cheese will be inspected and remitted to local charities. It sure is someone’s lucky day…I bet black market cheese tastes so much better.

TWOAbout to Blow: Three extreme kayakers recently headed to Hawaii to film a segment for the Brazilian TV show Kaiak. Their expedition included paddling thorough a red-hot lava river next to the Kilauea Volcano – one of the world’s most active. The ocean was said to be so hot it could burn your hands (if you were curious enough to stick ‘em in.) I once bought a kayak from DICK’S Sporting Goods, and I’d be surprised if it withstood the temperature of my dishwasher – so shout out to their manufacturer! Also, do you think adrenaline junkies filter their Plenty of Fish searches strictly to licensed EMT’s?ONE

Sheer Disaster: Sheree Waterson, Lululemon’s Chief Product Officer, has resigned following last month’s shocking yoga pant recall. Approximately 17% of all women’s pants within stores were see-through. The company released the following statement, “We want you to Down Dog and Crow with confidence and we felt these pants didn’t measure up.” I never actually Down Dog in my yoga pants, but I would be embarrassed if I unknowingly exposed myself at brunch…Just kidding, those bad boys are way too comfortable to care. Namaste, girl.

Applebottoms, Applebee’s

4 May

Applebottoms, Applebee's

If the recent string of sunny days is any indicator, then summer is certainly on its way… In anticipation of the steamy months to come, many of my friends have been feverishly working on their “beach bodies.” Apparently the body that you squeeze into a teeny bikini is not the same body that you take to, say, the supermarket or a matinee performance of RENT. The beach body is much firmer; more defined. Every year I feel pressure to play along. I forego the occasional cheeseburger for an avocado salad, attend a spin class or two, only to announce come June 1st that I haven’t made any progress and will not be making any poolside appearances this season.

So far, 2012 has been a little bit different. While I joined the gym in pursuit of a smaller ass, I stayed to observe the vast array of species that gather in this sweaty oasis. There are the usual suspects – bench-pressing macho men, iPod-toting treadmill runners, and those stationary bike riders who think virtual terrain is the new nature. Far more interesting, though, are the women who attend group fitness classes.

Some of them curl their hair on Mondays; the day an 18 year old hottie teaches kickboxing. Based on his inability to grow a full beard, I would suggest they keep the flirting to a minimum…but who am I to judge? Perhaps they just left a long day of work, but their perfectly coiffed manes seem like a pretty convenient coincidence.

Some of them wear too much perfume. The last thing I want to huff while gasping for air is the latest Halle Berry inspired musk. Is fragrance-free Pilates too much to ask for? Evidently these women are trying to keep up with the Kardashians. It’s as if they expect a full on production crew to roll in and capture their camera ready workout on film.

It’s the gym…I thought you were supposed to look like shit.

I figured my lessons in over-dressing would be confined to this members only space, but I was largely mistaken. Last week I was invited to Applebee’s – the one location in my small, suburban town that serves up late night snacks. Upon this invitation I changed from what I consider a pair of “indoor” sweatpants, to a more socially acceptable pair. I then topped off my look with a collegiate hoodie to conceal the fact that I was without a bra. Sure this outfit, in combination with my make-up free face, might sound a little bit unkempt. I prefer to call it “no-fuss.”

I arrived at the restaurant and was disappointed (but not surprised) to find the décor hasn’t changed in roughly 10 years. The lobby was still flecked with images of my high school faculty – many of whom have retired. Whoever was responsible for their interior design took the notion of a “Neighborhood Bar & Grill” quite seriously.

As I made my way to the bar I carefully surveyed the scene. It seemed as though a sorority had gotten lost on their way to a nightclub. There were more than a handful of girls sporting high heels and smoky eyes. I was unsure of what they were trying to accomplish – after all, the mozzarella sticks were already half price.

I’m not sure which space is more intimidating for an unfun lady like me. Thus, the debate on over-dressing is ultimately open-ended. Sure there are plenty of rashes that can be contracted via yoga mat, but I am slightly wearier of this seemingly friendly chain restaurant. One too many of Applebee’s goblet-sized cocktails, and you’re making plans for a mani/pedi with that bitch you hated from 10th grade physics.

Mull it over, people…Maybe that “beach body” isn’t such a bad idea.

Unfun Fact: I’d just rather go to Olive Garden.

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