Tag Archives: Valentino

SUPER GOOP

15 May

gwynethMirror, mirror on the wall, who is the unfunnest of them all? Just because I’ve adopted the term, doesn’t mean I’m leader of the pack.

Gwyneth Paltrow has been getting a whole lot of press recently… People Magazine named her “World’s Most Beautiful Woman 2013,” a week prior she was Star’s “Most Hated Celebrity.” Girlfriend’s got some serious range. Whether or not we need it, the Internet has provided us with much insight into the inner workings of her life. From what I gather, her tapestry is spun of both unknowing pretention and exhausting attempts to be relatable.

Before we choose our sides of the fence – Let’s review some of Gwynnie’s most  recent unfun quotes, shall we?

On cosmetic surgery – “I would be scared to go under the knife, but you know, talk to me when I’m 50. I’ll try anything. Except I won’t do Botox again, because I looked crazy. I looked like Joan Rivers!”

Forget the Joan Rivers diss – Does it strike anyone else as odd, that a woman who consistently preaches an organic lifestyle would inject poison directly into her money maker? One innocent eye lift, and that bitch will be banned from the farmer’s market.

On the Met Gala – “I’m never going again. It was so unfun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”

I thought successfully curating a lifestyle blog and enjoying a good old museum fundraiser went hand in hand – boy was I wrong. Sounds like the only thing more miserable than walking the red carpet in Valentino Haute Couture, is having to endure a Coldplay concert in its entirety.

On lady grooming – “Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down.”

Here is a woman who acknowledges the importance of female friendship…and when it’s not appropriate to name drop Beyoncé.

What do you say…Is it time to pass the torch?

Unfun Fact: Gwyneth Paltrow is the Starburst of A-Lister’s – a juicy contradiction.

UNFUN WEEKLY ROUNDUP [03.01.13]

1 Mar

FIVEMan vs. Machine: David Neevel is a physicist who recently invented what he calls an Oreo Separator Machine. Built out of aluminum scraps, motors, wire, and wood – the OSM splits the cookie in half, scrapes off the crème and serves up two chocolate wafers in a tray. Neevel says the machine is “entirely based on the dislike of crème and preference for cookie…” If you go through this much trouble to remove a crucial part of this classic treat, guess what? Oreos probably just aren’t your thing. Grab some freaking Teddy Grahams and move on.

FOURNips Hathaway: Anne Hathaway has issued a public apology on behalf of the dress she wore to the Oscars this past Sunday. Originally slated to wear a gown by Valentino, Anne grabbed hold of that pink, nipple-enhancing Prada a mere two hours before she hit the red carpet. “It came to my attention late Saturday night that there would be a dress worn to the Oscars that is remarkably similar to the Valentino I had intended to wear, and so I decided it was best for all involved to change my plans…” Grab your Burn Book and file this bitch under “traitor.”

THREECashmere Exorcism: Did you forget to DVR Monday’s episode of the 700 Club? Me too…Here’s what we missed: When asked if sweaters purchased from thrift shops could be possessed by demonic spirits, Televangelist Pat Robertson advised that while it is possible, it likely won’t happen to every last cardigan. But – it never hurts to pray! Quick, somebody get Macklemore on the line and tell him he is in some deep shit.

TWOH2GLOW: Move over Ciroc…Diddy’s got a brand new bev. With the help of Mark Wahlberg, the hip hop mogul has launched a new “performance enhancing” water called AQUAhydrate. Diddy claims the electrolyte infused H20 features a higher pH level than your average water; keeping you focused, energetic, and get this – glowing…and Mark says it helps him achieve balance. That Brita filter you’ve got in the fridge doesn’t seem too upscale now does it? Ain’t nobody got time for tap.

ONECrying Shame: Netflix has launched its first ever set of awards called “The Flixies.” Viewers now have the opportunity to visit their website and vote for their favorite movies and television series. Categories include “Best Guilty Pleasure,” “Best Marathon TV Show,” and the most unfun of them all – “Best PMS Drama.” The nominees are: Brothers and Sisters, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, First Wives Club, Sleepless in Seattle, Say Yes to the Dress, Friday Night Lights, Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Revenge, Glee, Hart of Dixie, and Ghost. Periods aside, these options are so exhausting there’s no way I could watch them more than once a month.

 

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