UNFUN WEEKLY ROUNDUP [01.18.13]

18 Jan

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Unbeweavable: Nicki Minaj and her longtime wig stylist, Terrance Davidson, have recently parted ways. In a statement, Davidson cited creative differences as ultimate reason for the split. It’s hard to believe that a woman with four personalities (Nicki, Barbie, Roman & Martha) is anything less than easy going and agreeable. American Idol is a pretty big gig, so until she finds someone new, I’m sure I could whip something up with a cotton candy machine and a glow stick.

fourSmelly Arrest: I recently read an article about Mississippi public schools – it stated students had been arrested for “dress code violations, flatulence, profanity, and disrespect.” Let’s lose the eloquence and refer to flatulence as farting – if only to reiterate the ridiculousness of this story. Last time I checked, school lunches weren’t overflowing with fiber rich vegetables, so I’m having trouble placing the blame…Tots with a side of Beano Chewables, please.

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Size Matters: An Australian man recently took to Facebook to expose Subway’s cheating ways. He posted an image of his “footlong” sub next to a ruler…When it didn’t quite measure up he demanded a response. The picture got over 100,000 likes and comments – ’cause if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything, right?? Subway has stated that if the bread hasn’t been cooked to specifications, it could come up a bit short. I thought Easy Bake Ovens only came with one setting?

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Nutri-Nightmare: There’s a new Girl Scout cookie in town. An official statement describes Mango Crèmes with NutriFusion™ as crunchy vanilla and coconut cookies with mango-flavored crème filling. The only catch? Not a trace of real mango. The ingredient list boasts an odd mash-up of grape concentrate and mushrooms. If I wanted to be faux healthy, I would just mash up some gummy vitamins in my morning oatmeal…Nice try, ladies.

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Moist: Applying lotion is an exhausting task, isn’t it? Wrangler has answered our prayers with a new jean line dubbed “Denim Spa.” Cosmetic microcapsules within the fabric release Aloe Vera, Olive Extract, or a smoothing blend of retinol and caffeine as you move. Each of the three styles costs about $140…Is it just me or does it seem like a more upscale brand should be trying to fool us with this shit? I don’t trust my cellulite treatment with the same company responsible for carpenter pants.

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